Happy Birthday Karissa!

I love you Rissa!!! You are a delight (most of the time) and we are so glad that God gave you to us!

Aidyn's story....So far

There has been a request that I update on baby things (birth and beyond) so I'll just post them on here.

 This could very well be my last pregnancy and it's been weird so far. I didn't really expect to get pregnant in the first place,at least not so soon. I had to take fertility drugs to get pregnant with Noah and Karissa so when we started thinking about another baby this time, we figured it would take a least a year of trying first. Oh how wrong we were! I was in shock when I found out, not upset, just surprised. Jeff was very happy, he had called half the village to share the news before the day was over. The boys seemed happy but not as thrilled as they were with Karissa. It took 2 years of praying before we got pregnant with Rissa and the boys were praying for her every day. So this time, it was just different. They weren't thinking about another baby yet. 

 I remember the beginning of this pregnancy being very uneventful. I was barely sick, I didn't really even feel like it was real. I made an appointment with Dr. Baxter in Selmer to have an ultrasound just so I could be sure I really was having a baby. There he was, a cute little bean jumping around inside me. I loved him of course, but from the start this baby was less my insistence and more God's design. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I didn't try or even long for this baby the way I did for the others, but here he is none the less. Right from the start I knew this was His baby, God must have something special in mind for him. 

 So the pregnancy went on, uneventfully. Then in August after coming home from a 2 week family vacation we got the news that my midwife was moving to California. I say "news", but it was more like a slap in the face or a kick in the gut (not from the baby). I felt betrayed, like the village and God could just care less about me. Here I was, in a pregnancy I was barely ready for and now I was being faced with having to deliver in a hospital (which I despise) or shelling out $3500 for a local midwife (which we couldn't afford). I cried for so long. I think that was one of the lowest points of my life. I thought Rushie could just deliver the baby, Ariel said she could do it and I thought it was a great idea. Then a month or so later, the village birth people made a decision saying that there was not going to be any unassisted home births (births not having a licensed midwife). But Ammah had decided to keep her certification active for another 2 years, but she was not comfortable doing water births. So now we had some choices to make. I was really against a hospital birth, I very much wanted a water birth (once you do water, there's no going back), and we were dead broke. If I went with Ammah, I'd have to give up the tub, and stay in the village for a month. If I went with a hospital birth... well there isn't enough time in the day to explain all the reasons I have for hating that option. If I hired a local midwife, where would I get the money?  Jeff had to make this decision, and that was the most terrifying thing of all. How could he possibly know what I need or why I want certain things. To him a hospital birth seems very logical because it's free. Well, after much prayer and talking we figured a plan for hiring a midwife here in Memphis, and yes, Jeff made the call.  My parents fronted us the money and the midwife I found cut her fee since I was so far into my pregnancy. We were both thrilled to finally have a safe plan that everyone agrees on. 

  I love my midwife! She is sweet and grandmotherly and very encouraging. We are very blessed to have found her. And the best part....no food diaries or lectures on how I need to take my herbs! I am not a born and bred village girl so I've never been fully convinced of the herb thing and food diaries (to me) are a joke because I end up making up half of it anyway. I always forget to keep track and then forget what I ate.... anyway enough rabbit trailing. Love you Ari!
   So here we are, it's 9 days until d-day and I'm feeling depressingly well. The baby was posterior for a long time but I think he is not quite so posterior right now. Karissa's birthday is tomorrow so that would be a great time to have him. Noah and Jeff share a birthday, it keeps things simple in my ever deteriorating brain. Anyway, I'll keep you updated and post pictures when there are pictures to post.

  

follow up

Okay here's the latest... Jeff still has no stable employment but he does have a paint job that will last about 2 weeks. And my parents sent us some money for work Jeff did with my dad over Christmas. We are grateful for any work at this point. I still haven't heard what's happening with rent but God is showing himself The Provider even when I have no faith at all. Oh, and here's a really fun thing that happened... While all this unemployment stuff was happening I was trying to get re-certified with Tenncare. Now, I sent in my paperwork in the beginning of December explaining that we have no income and had my phone interview in mid December. My caseworker has still not completed my case and I was supposed to get more foodstamps on Jan 7th. I've been calling her and leaving messages for 2 weeks now with no call backs or anything so finally I called the big corporate office last week. They said they'd send her an email and she'd have to finish my case in 3 days or they'd get her superiors involved. So that deadline landed on Friday Jan 7th, but even though she has not finished my case, some how, I got enough foodstamps in my account to cover groceries for this week. God has been good to us even though we fail daily to see that goodness. I love our loving Father.

Prayer needed...as always

Happy New Year folks! I wish I could say it's been happier. Sometimes it feels like we're doing something wrong. Jeff lost his job back in mid December and we'v been living off of Christmas money since then. Christmas money has run out and rent is due again. He started a temp job with Zemar but today it rained and so they couldn't even go. He's talking about selling his guitar. I don't know what God is doing here. Or what we're doing here. I'm trying hard to be grateful and have faith that God will help us but...  Rent is due and there is no money, again. How do you offer help to your community when you feel like you can barely keep your head above water? Our baby will be here any day. It's hard to be excited when it just means one more pack of diapers to buy. Anyone have any "light at the end of the tunnel" encouragement? Or better yet, employment?  We love you all and would just be happy to get your prayer.

updates

   Ok guys, I know that last blog was pretty depressing so I'll give you a happy update. We finally got a midwife!! Her name is Lynda Hoskins and she delivered 2 of April Parkerson's kids when she lived here in Memphis. We couldn't have asked for a better situation. Lynda came down in price for us (which midwives NEVER do, they don't want to compete with one another), and she's as sweet as pie! She's old school like Ammah and likes to be pretty "hands off", which is exactly what I like. Jeff and I feel really good about her and really feel like God has led us in this direction. And she does waterbirths (ya!!).
   Abba and Nathaniel came out Thursday and gave us some very inspiring things. There was a lot of talk about just going out and trying stuff to see where God's ppl are. (i.e. go to church, a concert, start a neighborhood bible study) They just said make a move in any direction and we'll start to get out of this depressing slump we've been in. Abba actually asked at one point if we ever felt neglected out here! I just about fell out of my seat! I emphatically shook my head 'yes' and thought "he must have read my blog". But I don't think he did, he just knew what we were all feeling. It made me feel better instantly to think that we haven't been forgotten. Anyway, Abba also said that we don't need to walk around thinking that we are here just to build a church. I know for some of us, that really took some pressure off. It's a whole lot more feasible to try and touch individual lives that we see in our day, then it is to try and start a church. That does seem like a lot of pressure. Not that God doesn't want a church here, I think what he's saying is that we need to think small. The Memphis gatehouse would look like a complete failure to most. Let's face it, the only lives they've touched here have all left. But it's not been for nothing. We are seed planters right now. They put a seed into Randy and Beth, Tim and Rustie, the folks in Millington and I believe that God will do something with that in His own timing.
   We've got some rearranging to do here. We have one house with only one family and the other is cramped full of kids. Not to mention the rent being split only 3 ways now instead of 5 (ouch!!). So change is on the horizon, and change is always good. Our God is good and He always provides. Please continue to pray for us and I'll keep you posted. Love you guys!!

Prayers...

Please keep us in your prayers. We are having a hard time trying to find God about our birth. Not too many options and all of them come with some amount of sacrifice. And I'm having a hard time trusting Jeff and God. I sometimes feel like everyone is against me in this birth drama. I've never in my life regretted being pregnant, but it's been happening a lot lately. I don't like feeling this way toward my own child. I didn't plan for any of this to happen but here we are and I just can't see God anywhere. Also please call me or come see me sometime. I miss my friends a lot. I am already pretty emotional just being pregnant, but add to that all the stress of these birth decisions, homeschooling, people moving away, and helping to carry the house next door... I really need my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love Rushie and Aya, but when no one from the village has intentionally contacted you in weeks, it starts to feel like you've been forgotten. I know I could call more, I just get busy and forget to call until it's too late at night. I'm sure that's half the reason ya'll don't call. Just don't forget us out here. Especially now when I think we all feel a bit needy. Love you guys!

Life in Memphis

I've been wanting to write about our life in Memphis for some time now, but for a long time there was nothing happening. No drama at all, just business as usual. It's amazing how you get used to drama on a daily basis. Then when you get to a place where things are slow, you feel like you're doing something wrong. We prayed everyday for direction, wondering how we could reach out to those around us, but not much happened.

Then things started to happen, and all at once. Of course I couldn't write about any of it because it wasn't about people in the neighborhood, or people we met elsewhere. Drama was happening on the "inside" and it was too personal and hazardous and mysterious to tell anyone about. So here I sit, still unable to share much of what we struggle with and pray about, but there was a small bit that I can and will share with you now.

Ayala gave birth. That is a statement that we have waited long to say. I've never gone past my due date with any of my 3 kids so the very thought of going 12 days past seemed to me like the worst thing you could ever endure. Never the less, 12 days late, little Naomi is coaxed into the world. Aya was having a hard time in the last weeks of her pregnancy. If I were in her place I'd have had the same feelings of "everyone else gets to have a nice birth", and "why is God doing this to me" that she seemed to struggle with. We prayed for her a lot. On top of being late, she was also dealing with family issues that were weighing on her. But no matter how much we prayed or how many tricks we had her try, she was just not going into labor naturally.

Finally, her and Stephen decided that it was time to induce labor. Ariel started her induction Wednesday morning, by 3 pm she was finally starting to have contractions. At midnight she was complete and ready to push. At this point I should tell you that little Naomi for weeks had been going from one bad position to another. So by the time Ayala started to push, Naomi was posterior. She pushed and pushed for hours. They made her change positions and tried every other trick they could think of, but this baby was not budging. 4:30am rolls around and they decided there was no more they could do and Aya was exhausted, they were taking her to the hospital.

We both have these fears of hospitals and inductions, but God loves to push us into situations where we have to trust Him and Him alone. He did that for Ayala, and that kind of stretching is never easy to watch. This time however, her struggles gave me hope. I laid in my bed at this time thinking about how Ayala is so organized, and she has all her ducks in a row. She always has a plan for the day, always gets things done in a timely manner, but with this birth, no one but God was going to get the glory. And He did. Around 5:30 the doctors performed a Cesarean on Aya and brought her new baby into the world, all 9lbs 8oz of her. A healthy baby and a very relieved mommy.

"How did God get the glory?" you may ask, well I'll tell you. You cannot look at this birth and think that any one person made it turn out okay. No, you can only look at this birth and think God did this, and wasn't it beautiful?! Because of the way this turned out, Ariel cannot feel like she did something wrong (she did all she could), Stephen can't say he didn't pray enough (he prayed every prayer he could), Ayala can't feel that she wasn't trying hard enough (she pushed till she was spent). God did it all. We just couldn't see it at the time. He pushed her past anything she thought she could endure, and she'll be stronger for it. God asked of her what he asks of us all, a ruthless trust, a trust that abandons reason and dives blindly over the edge only. He also wants us to need him. If children came out of us and were like sea turtles, not needing us for food, protection or even direction, then we would have a seriously deep need to be needed. I don't know if that made sense, all I mean is that if we had it all together and everything was always a happy ending then we wouldn't need God. And if we didn't need God then we'd never get to feel what it's like to rest in Him. Now, I don't have any idea what to expect with my birth but I can go on with my pregnancy knowing that there is a very good hospital 5 minutes away, God is leading this show and no matter where we end up we'll be okay, No, we'll be better than okay, we'll be different, we'll learn something new, we'll find ourselves leaning on God and we'll jump another fear hurdle. God is so good!